Perfection, Symmetry, and Barbie Dolls!

It's no secret to anyone that we live in a society obsessed with beauty. This topic is much of a dead horse; it has been debated and discussed with fervor since the beginning of modern media. Children are force fed a lie that all adults are physically gorgeous. Alas, even in my childhood, the ages of Disney and innocence, before even a fifth grader knew the word fuck, I was fed lies too: Do women really all look like Ariel, Jasmine, Cinderella, or Barbie? And the men, are they all masculine heroes hell-bent on machismo? These are well known fallacies to adults, and I admit, in the context of a children's cartoon, they are innocent.

However, at what cost do we view the cover of Vogue, or Cosmopolitan? It is a hard enough lot for a "normal," healthy, sane individual to drown in these subliminal messages. Even as TV moves towards a more normal reality, it does so in an unhealthy manner. Yes, Khloe Kardashian is not the skinny princess we grew up with, but is she not still insanely beautiful? Most people do not look like that, at all.

As someone with BDD, these thoughts are pure poison. Even viewing a female, something I have no desire to be, fills me with sadness. In a country so obsessed with symmetry and beauty, it is deathly terrifying to view myself in the mirror and realize I am not that at all, and I never will be.

One thing I have learned in BDD treatment is symmetry is non-existant. For those that are curious to see what their face looks like symmetrically, I implore you, follow the instructions on this link: http://www.photoshopfacelift.com/tutorials/symmetrical-face/index.php

Nature is not symmetrical. Indeed, I can see the beauty in everyone else's face but my own. I often thought with my ex-boyfriend "God he's so attractive, his face is perfect" - I was challenged by my therapist, Daniel, to find inconsistencies in his facial symmetry. I was shocked to find that almost every single feature in his face was asymmetrical. His jaw, nose, eyes, lips, almost everything was uneven, but it was something my brain chose to ignore for the sake of my negative grandiosity.

So if he can be asymmetrical and beautiful, why can't I? This question resounds in my head, constantly. From a purely selfish stand-point, a quick glance in the mirror answers this question for me: my nose is ugly, it's misshapen, uneven, and fat. But really, from a realistic point of view, is this not a bizarre double-standard I hold against myself? How often do I come across someone and think the same thing about them? This condemnation is unrealistic. Sure, I have come across people in my past and had similar thoughts, but were these not clearly extreme cases, in which their nose was so noticeably deformed that it did nothing but draw my attention to it?

But such is the nature of BDD. Cruel, and discriminating. To spit on everything you know to be real in your life. To tell you the lie that you are held to a higher standard than others, to force the idea of "perfection or disaster" down your throat until you are gurgling under it's massive pressure as it squelches every bit of happiness out of your sweaty, gripping palms.